rehearsal
Ok, so etiquette says to invite everyone who is at the rehearsal and everyone who flies in for the wedding, to the rehearsal dinner. Etiquette aside, who did you/do you plan to invite to your rehearsal dinner?
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23 comments
I’m an avid follower of your blog but not a frequent commenter, but this is just what’s going on in my planning right now so I had to jump in. I’m having such a hard time convincing my future MIL that although that is etiquette, it just won’t work for our wedding. We are having 270+ guests, about 175 of which are from out of town. She is attempting to feed and provide an open bar for all of them the night before the wedding, more or less resulting in a second wedding the night before the wedding. It is stressing me out, big time. I’d love to see what others have to say on the subject.
We’re having the same debate. His mother would like us to invite all of the OOT guests, but that’s about 75% of our invite list. We’ll have to compromise somehow!
Yup, same problem here! We are having a mountain wedding, which means everyone is an out of town guest. We have decided to throw a VERY casual, open-invitation, welcome BBQ the afternoon before the wedding. We will do a very quick ‘rehearsal’ later in the evening with our bridal party, but the BBQ will include anyone/everyone who is in town. We are doing an inexpensive menu (think burgers and salad), and BYOB… I guess if we are gonna break the mould, we will do it in a big way!! Good luck!
We are definitely in the same boat! And while we would love to keep with “tradition”, we simply cannot afford to.
So with some resistance from his family, we are keeping it to the bridal party and VERY close friends and family.
Plus, IMO, I see the rehearsal as an intimate time to celebrate and honor those that have helped you through the wedding planning process. With small weddings, this may be the whole guest list! But with a list of 250 people, I struggle with that notion.
Hi!!! I also read your blog a lot and rarely comment, but this is a perfect post for me. We are inviting about 270 guests and about 200 of them are from out of town. I originally wanted to have a really small intimate rehearsal dinner but I got out voted by my future mother-in-law. BUT, we finally reached and agreement and like Tiffany we’re throwing a very informal pig roast/BBQ the night before for everyone. We’re just going to get a few kegs and cases of wine from Costco so hopefully the cost won’t be too much in the end ! We’re doing a rehearsal earlier in the afternoon with the bridal party and then we’re going to go over the BBQ first. Everyone else is invited around 7 and we’re planning to arrive around 5:30 so that we can have some time together (and plus, I want to give my bridesmaids their gifts but don’t really want to do it in front of everyone)!
Good luck! In the beginning I hated the idea of hosting everyone because it does feel like a second wedding and a lot of planning, but I think it’s a really good compromise to have something really casual!
i had trouble with this one a while back as well…and honestly, i think that rule was made back when no one really moved far from home. seriously. so we are just doing the wedding party and immediate family members. i think it’s good so that oot guests don’t feel like they HAVE to be there for 2 whole days…and they would be free to visit other relatives or sites while in town.
i got a lot of advice on this subject, and my favorite one was that you could have a dinner for the wedding party and family, and then arrange a cocktail hour later with the oot guests. or you could do a lunch…waaay cheaper.
good luck..you’re doing a fab job.
We had about 175 guests (173 of which were from out-of-town) so we ended up inviting family-only (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. plus the wedding party and their dates). It was still about 100 people but was an easy line to draw.
And to add on to the other ladies, we ended up reserving a room at a SUPER casual Italian restaurant (think pizza and simple pasta) and everyone thought it was great — not to mention the bill was easier to swallow than if we’d gone most anywhere else.
I can’t believe I’m adding a third comment but I forgot something else! The restaurant where we ate had karaoke after 9 so we invited anyone in town to come and hang out.
We are doing a BBQ at the park where we are getting married and inviting family and wedding party only. the dinner will last til about 8:00 and then I am going to invite our out of town friends, and local friends to come and celebrate. this way we don’t have to feed all of them, and we can still spend some quality time with everyone. this will be about 65 people at the dinner and an additional 20 for the after party.
I love the idea of a casual cocktail party or BBQ before the rehearsal for everybody and then maybe a dinner or drinks for the wedding party afterwards to spend the “special” time together.
Everyone is traveling for ours. Just bridal party and parents.
I had this dilemma too. I’m having a destination wedding so everyone is flying from out of town. I wanted to do just a welcome cocktail but you have to serve some food so now we’re back to a dinner. Fortunately, my wedding is small so it’ll be around 70 people max. If I was getting married locally I would’ve done a BBQ!
i agree with everyone elses comments – were trying to keep the rehearsal dinner under 50 people. one idea for everyone – have a rehearsal dinner with all of the bridal party and then invite OOT guests later, but have a cash bar.
or – we decided to just serve wine & beer at the rehearsal to keep costs down.
i also think BBQs & house gatherings are sufficient!
haha, look at all of your delurkers again!!
we are inviting out of town guests, family, and wedding party. Roughly 50 guests. My thought is; if they are staying in a hotel for your wedding Friday and Saturday night, they should be invited Friday night.
We are doing a casual restaurant outside with a cash bar.
The wedding guest list is around 200 right now, with a majority of people from out of town. so the rehearsal dinner will be a very casual clam/lobster bake at an american legion so that we can invite everyone on our guest list. we’ll let them know about it in the invitation so if they want to be at the clambake/welcome dinner, they can arrange to arrive the night before. We’re able to do this b/c having it at the American Legion keeps the cost down and my FIL are generously hosting it.
Most of our guests (at least 80) are coming from out of town. Since we don’t get to see them often, we decided to make the most of this occasion and spend as much time with them as possible (most of the out-of-towners are my relatives; about a dozen or so are friends). So, we are planning a very casual rehearsal dinner in our backyard with a gumbo (my family is Cajun), beer and wine, despite protests from my future mother-in-law. We see it like this: If our families and friends are going to pay thousands of dollars to travel to our wedding, we want to spend some time with them, even if we have to make it a more affordable affair.
We are inviting the wedding party and their guests, parents, grandparents and the readers and we are already at 45. So we won’t be inviting out of towners who come in that night. We really wanted to keep it small and casual, we’ll see how that goes….haha.
I’m a day late on this one. I read your blog every day – good stuff! We are having a rehearsal dinner for bridal party and immediate family, followed by an open cocktail party for all guests.
The hotel where our guests are staying has a top floor penthouse, that we can get for FREE as long as 20 people book rooms (which they did!). So we are having our rehearsal dinner and cocktail party in the hotel penthouse – making it so easy for guests to just come from their rooms! We are doing all the side dishes and cold salads ourselves the day before, and just getting some hot BBQ catered in.
Also saving a ton of $$ by being able to buy our own beer and wine. It’s a nice balance – intimate homecooked dinner for bridal party and family, and still get to see all guests and out-of-towners afterwards.
Hope that helps!
We’re inviting about 250, most of whom will be from out of town. Our solution is to have the rehearsal and dinner with just family and wedding party and then host a (BYOB) dance at the community center.
I just realized the catch. Since the in-laws will be hosting the dinner they’re going to want to invite all of their friends to it. This is going to get sticky, but I’m putting my foot down. We’re having a bigger wedding than I wanted so the rehearsal is staying small. Relatively. Wish me luck.
I have to agree with Colleen on the first comment post – if we invited all the OOT to the rehearsal, it would be like a second wedding (yikes). The thought of that makes me way more stressed than anything yet. We are just going to make sure that we make the rounds on the wedding day and say an extra special hello to the OOT.
i’m not having a proper rehersal dinner. just having family and wedding party and having the chef cook us a homestyle meal.
If my future in-laws had it their way, they would invite most everyone who is invited to the wedding. I quickly nixed that idea! We plan to have our wedding party, our parents, our immediate family, and close friends (who aren’t in the wedding). We’re hoping not to have more than 50 – 75 people.
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