wedding advice
So Natalie is getting married next summer and like all engaged girls she is getting hit at all sides with “you have to have this!” “you totally don’t need that” and “but these are wedding flowers.” So, knowing that we all have opinions about weddings, can you answer a few questions?
At your wedding:
1. What are you glad you splurged on?
2. What do you wish you would have splurged on?
3. What could you have done without?
Thanks in advance!!
35 comments
1. Our Photographer
2. A Photo Booth, self-made or rented
3. We had minimal floral already (only bouquets and bouts) in order to be a bit more eco (budget) friendly, but I wish I would have used feather or some other “save-able” bouquets since mine did not dry nicely.
1. So glad I splurged on a DJ, we were deabting on going with speakers and a preset iPod but the DJ and the music is what sets the tone for the entire reception. For us it was oen of the best decisions.
2. We wished we could have splurged on a videographer. There were other things that seemed more important but the hubs threw in some surprises at the ceremony and reception. We have them in photograph but I wish they were captured on video.
3. We looked at spending a fortune on a cake but as the time got closer the budgets got lower and the venue threw ina free cake. It tasted good and looked good so we were greatful we didn’t spend any extra on it. However, we did get a bit more yummy specialty groomscake that we had at the rehersal dinner and becuase it wasn’t a wedding cake, it was a lot cheaper so we still had the cake we wanted that weekend.
1. What are you glad you splurged on? My Polaroid film! We got 100 photos for like $200.00. It took a lot of convincing on my part, but the polaroid sign in table was the hit of the wedding!
2. What do you wish you would have splurged on? Paper goods for sure. I wish I could have done more with our invitations, menus and programs.
3. What could you have done without? FOr me personally, I couldn’t have done without anything.
I worked hard on a ton of DIY projects that people thought I was crazy for, but in the end just simply made the day! If you think you can’t live without with, then do what you can to make it happen!
Happy Planning!
I just got so excited when I saw this … I love giving advice about a wedding because it is such an important day …
1) Videographer – we actually didn’t “splurge” cause we got a really inexpensive one, but I’m so so happy to have that video. We only had them for four hours, the ceremony, the photos, and the first dances/speeches … then they left! No one needed the crazy drunken dances of the bridal party caught on film!
2) Again not much of a ’splurge’ but I wish we had gotten dance lessons — nothing too crazy and fancy but it would have given us a better idea of how long our first dance song was and also would have given us four one hour time frames to be alone in the month before the wedding.
3) Centerpieces – now wait, don’t freak – you should still do beautiful centerpieces! But there is NO harm in doing only a handful (and making sure to tell your photographer to take photos of those ones!) on the ‘important tables’ – sweetheart/head table, parents tables, bridal party tables … but for us we had a fairly big wedding, and a great way to save would have been to make smaller ones for the rest of the tables.
4) Here’s some advice you didnt ask for — the wedding day timeline that you are going crazy planning minute by minute — it’s important but don’t forget to plan the day before the wedding, of even the two days before. For me the only day I was frazzled was the rehearsal day – because everyone was arriving and I wanted to see everyone and I also wanted to look beautiful for my rehearsal & dinner and had to get myself situated at the hotel and my husband had to too and well, there was just a lot going on the day before that I hadn’t accounted for.
Woohoo! Have fun!
1. What are you glad you splurged on?
We DIYed most of our wedding, so I considered our photographer a splurge that was TOTALLY worth it. Our pictures are beautiful and professional looking and we became friends with out photographer and know we will use her for many, many years to come.
2. What do you wish you would have splurged on?
I cannot think of anything that we felt was “lacking” from our day, but I can imagine that if we had not catered the reception ourselves (my family owns a grocery store) I might feel like we should have spent more for food. Our guests do not remember the favors or the flowers or the color of the tablecloths, but they are STILL talking about how great the food was. And because we saved so much money doing it ourselves, we had a LOT more food than you would normally see at a wedding reception.
3. What could you have done without?
We bought WAY too much wine! My mom made delicious cocktails for the cocktail hour and people just kept drinking those through dinner. They barely touched the wine – we had two whole cases left over. People also ate very little during the cocktail hour because they had heard about how much food we would have at dinner and didn’t want to spoil their appetites!
1. Photography. Do NOT go cheap on photography. And videography too if you can possibly make it happen.
2. A better wedding planner. Mine was a little too new to the job and she really fell short in a few areas.
3. Can I say nothing? I was genuinely happy with every single detail. The only thing, maybe: I would have made fewer programs. We had 100 programs for 200 guests, and we ended up with tons leftover. It was weird.
1. Open bar- everyone loosened up, the dance floor was full, and even though I’m not a big drinker, it was a riot seeing everyone have so much fun.
2. PHOTOGRAPHER. I didn’t think I’d care to look through wedding photos. But I do. And I’m so disappointed I didn’t advocate better for the style I wanted. My favorite photos are the ones I specifically set up with the photographer.
3. We really cut the budget to make sure we had the most important things and slashed out the ones that were “But you NEED ______”, so we didn’t have favors, or a dessert bar, or the like. And you know what? No one missed them. So we were glad we didn’t spend the extra cash or extra time to work on that stuff.
1 – Our wedding photographer. Like so many others, it was so so worth it. We just got our pics back (wedding was 3 weeks ago) and are over the moon about them. When done right, the photographs will be able to capture the spirit of the wedding.
2 – Our venue. Though beautiful, they were new to the business and it showed. We were won over by the low price but paid for it in stress.
Also, not money related, but make sure you fully test your dress for “danceability” if you plan to do any serious dancing. I just figured mine would stay up. But, it turns out a little sweat and lack of boobs can cause a dress to travel south. So my only regret is wishing I had jury rigged some sort of dancing strap to hold that puppy up.
3 – I could have done with a lot of the tiny DIY details I did. Monogrammed coasters? I did receive tons of compliments, but they probably were not worth the hours of work. I would have focused a bit more on the big picture instead of the micro details.
But, wedding planning is fun! Just remember when it stops being fun to stop and re-prioritize.
Our wedding was small – 40 people in Vegas – and I DIYed most everything because we had a small budget. That said…
1) Glad I splurged on: plane tickets. We spent 1/2 of the budget flying 20 people to Vegas. Extravagant, yes, but the “wedding” itself only cost $1000 and it was worth it to have my friends with me. They couldn’t have afforded to fly out their without our help.
2) Wish I’d splurged on: photography. I had my SIL take the pictures and, though she has a nice camera, she didn’t really know how to use it and most of our pictures have TERRIBLE lighting. You can never go back and re-photograph an event.
3) Could live without: The expensive dresses. I wore a $225 sample dress, off the rack (yes it was poly, and no you can’t even tell in the pictures) and my maids all wore black cocktail dresses of their choosing. I feel good knowing I didn’t force myself and my friends to spend hundreds on one-use dresses.
1. Venue. There were cheaper options, but I loved the historic ballroom we got married in. It was a whole package — they took care of venue, catering, cake, coordination — and it made my life so much easier.
2. Music. I generally find DJs annoying, but that was our budget, so I tried really hard to be diligent about finding a good one. I thought I’d found one, but nope. Totally cheesy, and he spent the whole night trying to lead coordinated dances. In retrospect, I would have splurged on a live band. The DJ is honestly the ONLY thing I didn’t like about our day.
I really really wanted a photo booth, even though it’s a trend, but I couldn’t justify the cost. Kinda wish I’d done it anyway, but c’est la vie.
3. Flowers. I just didn’t care that much about them, and our venue was an old, ornate, historic ballroom so it didn’t need much sprucing up. We went really minimal with the flowers — bouquet, bouts, and small simple centerpieces, and that was great.
1-Photographer, Photobooth, Cany Buffet. DONT SKIMP on photography. I have had so many poeple tell me they wish they had good wedding photos because they went with someone less experienced. And guests are still talking about our photobooth
2-A DAY OF COORDINATOR!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH I wish Id had one, there were so many little things that I relied on my BMs and other people for that really should have been left to a DoC. I confused my on-site coordinator with a DoC and I was sadly mistaken.
3-I mean, I loved everything. What I can say I wasnt THAT into flowers, so I could have done even less there. But I dont regret a single thing
Thank you for all the advice everyone… and Heather of course for the post. It really helps to hear from people who have been through it all!
1. Our venue
2. A videographer, especially with the old 8 mm.
3. Nothing really, we worked on a very tight budget, so I eliminated as much as possible from the beginning.
1. My photographer (although she was really rather affordable), but also having live music at the ceremony. Musicans are not cheap but they make your ceremony more personal and they help to create an enviroment that shows more about you and your new hubby.
2. A videographer. We were supposed to have my husband’s dad bring the video camera and a friend was going to tape, but he through a fit and nothing got filmed
3. A dancefloor. We got married and had the reception outside. It was just so nice to dance on the grass. There was no reason for a dancefloor (especially since it basically started to fall apart on the grass anyway.
1. We splurged on the band. What a huge difference than a dj. We still got a great deal on them, but it was a good bit of the budget. We got a soul-motown band that a big hit with the guests.
2. I wish we had money in budget for a videographer. Like previously posted, one that used old 8mm would have been really cool and a great keepsake. Some of the videos that are able to produce these days are unbelievable.
3. Help from my family and friends. If you are on a tight budget, help from friends and family is crucial. If they ask what they can to help, don’t be afraid to take them up on the offer. I really couldn’t have pulled it off without them.
1. So glad we got the photographer & venue we wanted and that I totally splurged on my dress! oh and the honeymoon!
2. Not really sure if there is anything extra we would have wanted; maybe someone to video it but we werent that bothered.
3. I loved everything we did but you could always not bother about favours!
How fun! I wish I’d asked these three questions before our wedding!
1. Photography. We spent 1/4 of our entire wedding budget on photography and I would write that check again in a heartbeat. We have so many beautiful photos of our day that will last a lifetime. Even my family nearly fell over when I told them the price but once they saw the result they were convinced too.
2. Videography. After watching my parents (boring) wedding video I opted to just have a friend tape the ceremony but now I wish I had a professional video of the day. A professional would have had better sound, angles, etc. and it would have been worth it to listen to my husband read his vows over and over again.
3. Fancy tableware. It may sound silly but at the last minute we changed our mind and went from casual table settings to a formal setting (complete with way too many utensils & glasses). It didn’t add anything to our casual wedding and really increased our catering fee. I should have stuck to my gut and not stressed about fancy table settings that no one even noticed.
Sorry to link to my own work but I just debuted a new column at my site and it covers these very issues. The first column is from Erin Vale (Vale Designs): http://www.kissmytulle.com/2010/06/wedding-advice-for-newly-engaged-couples-erin-vale.html
1. Our Photographer, the best money we ever spent! The other thing is our honeymoon, so worth the $$$.
2. Videography. I have watched so many that I have fallen in love with, looking back I wish we would have spent the $$$ on one. This one in particular. http://stillmotionblog.com/
3. Looking back I probably just would have made it smaller, and cut back on all the little things. Overall, it was a great experience and a wonderful day. It is just crazy that it adds up to a deposit on a house or a new car!
#1. The photographer. He was worth every last penny and our photos are beautiful. When I look at our pictures, I remember the exact emotion at that moment in the wedding. That’s worth so much to me. Find someone with a compatible style and go for it. Oh yes, and seriously good undergarments to let you look great in that dress. Don’t skimp on those.
#2. Maybe a Day of Coordinator? I am still on the fence if I regret that though. I know some people swear by them, but I don’t think one would have really added much to the day. Maybe just make me think everything would go well. I gave some guests a heads up of any details that may not be obvious and it worked.
#3. Nothing, we did a good job. We were very thoughtful about all the details that we felt would enhance the day.
We did our wedding on a major budget. We held it at a state park during the day, had food delivered for our buffet, and provided our own beverages (beer, sangria, soda, water). Our ceremony was in front of waterfalls, the most picturesque setting I could have imagined. The building at the park for our reception was awesome, and we got a ton of comments on how it was so much nicer than people had imagined. We used an ipod for music, which turned out to be awesome. We had a day time wedding, so there wasn’t a ton of dancing at the reception, but most of our guests danced for about two hours before people started to leave. I stuck to my dress budget and, despite a few months of second guessing my dress, was very glad that I didn’t spend more and felt like a princess. My step mom and my brother made our cakes for the cake table and bought cookies. We had Dinosaur BBQ deliver our buffet, which was incredibly delicious. We bought our own beer, soda and water and made lemonade and sangria. We made simple candle centerpieces for our two long tables, and had beautiful rustic wood place card holders that my dad made. He also made the birch cake stands for our cake table.
1. I am SOOOO glad that we hired a day of coordinator. She made our wedding day run so smoothly and worked so hard. She was a friend of a friend, so we didn’t pay much for her services, but I tipped her well. I’m glad that we splurged on the flowers for the bouquets. Originally my plan was to DIY for the bouquets, but my FMIL prevailed, and I’m glad she did. We had wonderful bright orange bouquets that I loved and that went fantastically with the BM’s navy dressed. I’m also glad that I didn’t cut out the sangria, since it was a major hit. I was worried about the cost of wine and the time to make it, but decided to go for it and it went great. Since we had an ipod for the music, I’m glad we splurged on the speaker system. It would not have worked out otherwise. Oh, and I also bought bubbles for the kids’ bags at the last minute, which was the best decision ever and I had so much fun (and a great photo op) blowing bubbles with the kids!
2. I might be the luckiest bride, but there is nothing that I wish we had splurged on.
3. I also don’t think there was anything that we could have done without. We cut costs where ever we could, and really gave a lot of thought to each aspect of the wedding before deciding if it was worth the cost to have it or not. We focused on family and our marriage, not the party, and we had a perfect day! (The only exception would be the room we spent a fortune on for the wedding night. It was smaller than the room I stayed in the night before at a different hotel, had a tiny whirlpool tub that hubs and I did not fit into together, and the bed was hard as a rock!)
There are a few things I might have done a little differently though, although I really don’t have any regrets. It’s more just some thoughts having gone through it. The first is hold the ceremony later in the afternoon and having a longer reception with more dancing. I spent hours and hours making our play lists, and the majority of the music never even got played. We forgot to turn it on during cocktails and the first half of dinner.
The only disappointment for the whole day was that the sound from the waterfalls prevented many guests from hearing our vows. We had the largest portable karaoke machine I could buy, but it was not loud enough. We didn’t have power at the ceremony site though, so there was nothing else we could have done.
There are a few things I’m glad that we didn’t not splurge on: a DJ, a full catering company, rental chairs for the reception, fancy invites, fancy center pieces, and programs.
1. Splurge– food. It was SO good. Everyone commented on it.
2. Should have splurged– I wish we had gone with a better photographer that was more in line with what we (I) wanted. The future hubs thought it was too much $$, so we opted down. Total bummer with the results. AND… better venue. We had to DIY SO much to make it work, which offset the cheaper cost.
3. Do without– bathroom baskets; so many choices of booze/wine/beer
1. What are you glad you splurged on? I am glad that we had a DJ instead of a CD player set on repeat like my mother suggested to save money.
2. What do you wish you would have splurged on? I REALLY wish I had a better photographer, I decided to be tight with the money at totally the wrong time! and maybe the sense to hire a planner, or at least do a better job at doing it all myself. (there are so many things that I would do differently, colors, flowers, designs. dresses., .etc)
3. What could you have done without? Favors….we had SO MANY left over, and one can only eat so many hershey kisses.
1. spurge – photography and food. Our photog was not a spurlge – we were really lucky to have a very talented family friend. But if it was a choice between a great photos or fabulous food I would choose the later. We had amazing food and I was glad we were able to give that to our loved ones.
2. didn’t really miss out on anything. we didn’t spend much and didn’t have much of teh wedding extras (i.e. no favours, no bridal party etc)
3. live without the overly long guest list and super expensive dress
We splurged on everything. i hindsight, I wouldn’t change a thing!
However, I will say that the money best spent was on our day-of Coordinator. She was amazing, took care of all the schedules and timelines, and pretty much allowed us to enjoy the day to the max because we knew she had everything under control.
It’s true that it’s only one day – but it’s also your only day. ENJOY IT!
1) Glad I splurged on: Open bar and a DJ. We danced and danced the night away! Nothing makes me more sad than a wedding where people eat and run!
Ill also say that Im glad I only had a MOH and no ‘maids… she could pick out a black dress and whatever shoes/hair she wanted and I didnt have to worry about the coordination of 3-10 girls.
2) Wish I’d splurged on: Being specific about what I wanted in my cake. I handed a photo to the cake people and told them to handle it and it didnt turn out very pretty… but NO ONE remembers, so its more for me than anybody.
Add to this: I also wish I had splurged on a MODEST coordinator to help me out with the ceremony. I havent been to many weddings and didnt know the order of things… the pianist had to help me out!
3) Could live without: The table linens. I had table runners custom made and specialty linens… totally unnecessary. No one remembers what color your tables are… the remember the fun you have together and the love in the air!
And FAVORS! Dad insisted, and so we ended up with about 342342 pounds of CUSTOM M&Ms leftover… just plain silly. No one should ever have their face on an M&M!
1) Glad I splurged on: Music! My husband and I both LOVE music – concerts together are our fave memories. We planned special music for each stage of the wedding. Strings near the entrance of the outdoor venue to provide sound for the long walk in; classical guitar for the champagne reception; gospel choir for the ceremony – so fun walking down aisle to “Going to the Chapel”; piano during dinner; and DJ for late night dancing. We even named each table after one of the acts we saw together.
Wish I splurged on: Videographer! Like a previous poster, myhusband surprised me during the recpetion with a serenade and I really wish I had it on film. Would also love to show “our wedding” to our children one day. Pictures are great, but they don’t convey all of the details we worked so hard to execute.
3. Could have lived without: A cigar roller – never even saw him although I hear he was popular with the male guests. Turns out it gave them an excuse to avoid the dance floor.
A few additional notes: The one details that everyone keeps talking about years later is the “take out” we provided each car as it was leaving. We live in the south and Whataburger is everyone’s favorite late night drive through. We gave each guest a bag with a burger and fries and bottle of water as their car exited the parking lot. It was a responsible choice – yes there was an open bar – but it also helped quench the late night munchies!
Also, if you are doing anything outside or in a venue with questionable accoustics, PLEASE invest in a sound system of some sort. I’ve been to too many weddings where the guests cannot hear the vows, toasts, etc because no one thought about sound. This is absolutely crucial to making the event something people remember for all the right reasons.
Cheers!
1) So glad we splurged on our photobooth!!! It was so much fun for our guests and as an added bonus, it gave both our guests and us a wonderful souvenir. Plus, you can’t beat the instant souvenir and photos, that you can look at right away!
2) I don’t really think we needed anything more….everything really went perfectly. But if money were no object, it would have been awesome to have a more time with our vendors (esp photographer and videographer), more pom poms or chinese lanterns, candy bar, and sparklers (venue didn’t allow them).
3) I wasn’t a huge fan of our wedding coordinator. I honestly think we could have gotten by without her, but who knows, maybe she did some important behind-the-scenes stuff. If she did, I didn’t notice!
1) So glad we splurged on the photobooth and our venue…it was amazing with it’s own private zoo! Gorgeous and fun!
2) Wish I would have splurged on a cake and the photographer…I would have loved some of the higher end photogs and we paid for trying to save a couple hundred bucks with a photographer who missed a LOT!
3) There’s honestly nothing I would have (could have) done without. I loved absolutely everything about our day and every detail and the guests did, too. There was really nothing that was left behind (like favors) or leftover (like food)…well, now that I think about it…we could have gone with a much smaller cake for sure!
1) Wedding bouquet
2) A better photographer
3) Can’t think of anything…
Might have to tell you that my husband and I got married in the deepest of secrecy at the Town Hall. Our two small kids at the time, where the only guests. Both been married before (the big big wedding thing), and we agreed that wasn’t what was important. He and I were; what we have between us. Nothing else. Still very happily married to this day.
1. Photographer/open bar/good cupcakes. Also wear whatever you want. I bought a cardigan and cute Kate Spade shoes and I am still enjoying both.
2. I wish I would have invited more people, to be honest. Friends. There can never be enough friends and with all the no-shows (my BFF was stranded in Europe due to the volcano) there was plenty of booze for everyone!
3. We didn’t have a lot of extras but I think flowers on the table were pointless, especially because they were not set up like I requested. My mom insisted on a videographer (we got one cheap as we are creative types) but I will never watch that footage ever.
Congratulations!
[...] you all for answering my questions! It was really interesting to see that photography came out on top as the thing everyone was glad [...]
1. I’m glad we spent extra money on extra time with our photographer. It was something we planned from the beginning but we didn’t add the extra hours until the 2 weeks prior to the wedding. It was so worth it. We had only booked her for a few hours to stay in our budget and I’m so glad we didn’t stick with that plan! Our photos were priceless!
2. I wish we would have added a brunch the next morning. It was really hard to rush to say goodbye to family who had come in to town and it would have been nice to have been able to do it in a big group over brunch.
3. We have soo many left over favors. I love our favors but I really went overboard on buying. We also have a TON of left over cocktail napkins.
I also have to add to what someone else said…I am SO glad we spent money on a day of coordinator! She was so worth it! I even gifted her to my best friend who is getting married next March.
1- Splurge- amazing honeymoon and adding on a videographer. We were talked into the videographer and while we were at first reluctant I’m now thrilled that I have a video of my brother dancing with my grandma to her favorite song. That footage still gives me goosebumps! Our honeymoon was out of this world- we stayed in 5 star hotels and traveled the Greek Islands. We kept looking at each other and saying, “Wow we’re never going to take another vacation like this.” But we saved a LOT for our wedding and everything was paid off, in cash, right away. You have to see what’s within your means and have a real discussion with all parties, most likely your parents, to see what they can afford. Work backwards from that and you can have a great wedding!
2. I wish we could have had a band but it was WAY beyond our price range. We made up for it by having live music, steel drums, during our cocktail hour. It was a huge hit.
3. Nothing. We did a really good job about prioritizing our expenses and we didn’t really overspend on anything. Now, if you ask my dad, he would say the chair covers were unnecessary and we definitely could have done them. Luckily I won that battle and paid for them myself.
I also agree with the previous poster that our Day of Coordinator was amazing. She was everywhere and did everything and let my parents enjoy the whole party. She was definitely money well spent!
I’m getting married in 3 months! I’ve been stressing about not having everything done in time. But after reading this post, I think I’m going to eliminate a few things off my DIY list like favors and a dessert bar.
My fiance and I have been going back and forth on getting a videographer because it would be stretching out our budget a little too much. But after reading all these comments on wishing you had splurged on a videographer, I’m seriously going to consider it. As Jenny said, I want to be able to show my children footage of our wedding one day. Thanks for all your advice. This is a fantastic post!
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