Posts from — February 2012

While I love my iPhone and all the great ways it keeps me connected, there is just something about paper that I can’t quite give up. For notes to friends ( postcards from chief and crown), to-do’s and memories (notebook from rifle paper co), and grocery lists alike.

I just read this article (saw it linked from here) about pumping at work and felt like talking about it. I haven’t been making time for this space lately. Dishes, couch time, cleaning up toys and sleep have all taken priority. But breastfeeding, and therefore pumping is something I feel strongly about and, well, reading the article got me wanting to talk about it.

I have been fortunate enough to have an office at work to pump in since coming back from leave after 12 weeks. I have bounced around between a few empty offices and they have never had locks on the door but I have always had a quiet place, a chair, a table, and most importantly comfort while pumping. I am down from three times a day to one now, and within a month or so will probably be done with it. There is talk of the company creating a room specifically for pumping mothers, as there are currently three women out on maternity leave (our company employs about 100 or so people), which will be good for the next time around I guess.

Even though I have had offices, I have not gone without the awkward conversation when the question comes up. “What are you doing in there?” I guess it isn’t obvious to many people, which in itself is sad, that a mother, right back from maternity leave, who is walking into an office with a black tote three times a day, is going to pump. I tried different answers. “Oh, well I am still nursing Declan, so, I, um, need to make sure he has bottles while at daycare.” “Declan isn’t on formula so while I am here I have to, um, make sure he has bottles.” Eventually it was “I’m still breastfeeding so I am going in here to pump.” The same person never asked twice. Coming out of the office afterwards women will give me a knowing smile and men avoid eye contact.

There was one week where I had to use an office in the technology department. I had okay’d it with the assistant to whose office I was using, but the rest of the team did not know about it. After two days, going into the office twice a day and posting my “Please do not disturb” sign on the door, one of the women finally, loudly, said “What are you doing in there?!” I explained, and they all seemed satisfied with the answer. The next day I got an email from one of the older gentleman in the department. He has a great sense of humor, and we go back and forth and have fun. In his email he asked what time the Dairy Queen was going to be open that day, because he had to use the office for a conference call at 2:00. It was funny, and still makes me laugh, but it was also a little awkward.

I know that I have had it good, awkward moments aside.  I have friends who have to pump in closets. Friends who are told that the provided space for pumping mothers is the same place they put the sick kids in the nurses office. This friend opts for the faculty bathroom, has to stand up while pumping and has to try to ignore the door handle jiggling the entire time. Every time I hear about this I just want to run up to the company executives and say “Come on! Really? By law you have to provide a suitable place, so get out of your office. She is going to use it for 15 minutes, 3 times a day!” I know it isn’t that easy. I know that for some women it is hard, and frustrating, and switching to formula would be so. much. easier.

If you are going through this, standing in bathrooms, closets, sick kid rooms… know that your baby is worth it. Keep at it, turn on some music, stick a huge sign on the door and try your hardest not to give a crap about what people on the other side of the door might think. You are doing this for your baby, and that is all that matters.

I slacked on getting the house decorated this year for Valentine’s Day. Saturday night as I was going through my boxes of craft and wrapping supplies I came across the decorations I used for my birthday party a few years back. Don’t ask me why I kept them all this time (Well, you can. It is because I hoard craft and wrapping supplies. Yep. And look! It paid off! I re-used something!) Those invites are still some of my favorites I have ever done. But back to the decorations. I took the pieces of sewn crepe paper and in addition to putting them around a few frames and on shelves, I wrapped them around a vintage milk jar, vintage blue mason jar and a spaghetti jar for an easy little centerpiece. A few flowers from Trader Joe’s and love is now in the air!

This is Declan’s second Valentine’s Day, but his first in daycare and his first for needing Valentine’s Day cards. (Some would argue that you don’t need cards in daycare. Some that aren’t me. I will use any excuse to make something!) I had grand plans involving lots of crafting, as seen on my Pinterest board, but they were shot down and deemed too girly by my (loving, wonderful) husband. Apparently G.I. Joe cards were in order, but there were no original ones to be found. This left me no choice but to craft something up! Declan and I went to Michael’s craft store, gathered the goods for about three different cards and settled on some blank white robot cut outs. A little coloring and a saying found on one of his pairs of PJ’s and we had ourselves some crafty, boy-ish cards!

Oh man. A year old. How did that happen? What a year it has been! I try to be real here, real about the pain, real about motherhood. The journey is different for everyone and for me it was difficult in the beginning. I was happy when the first few months were over. Each stage has been a little easier, although right now he is discovering that he has an opinion and that he can voice it in the form of screams… and I am happy to see the previous stage fade away. It’s kind of strange, but I can not wait until he is five. For some reason I really want to see him at five. Not four, not six, but five. I imagine his face at five, his words, his ideas, his passions. What will he like to do? What will be his favorite color? Will he want to play sports? Will he indulge me while I craft Star Wars valentine’s with him? I am sure we will be there in no time at all.

But back to month twelve. Here are the stats:

- He is holding steady at 45% in the weight department. He feels so heavy, but is only about 22 pounds.

- He is walking everywhere, and loves to walk on his own. Although not always in the same direction I am going. Walking has brought on more bruises, cuts and scrapes, and it is sad to think that his once perfectly new skin has been cut open already.

- He is not sleeping the 10-12 hours the pediatrician says he should be sleeping at night. Most nights he goes down around 7:30, wakes up between 12:30 and 2:30 and then is brought into bed with us where he falls back asleep after a quick nurse. He will sleep until 7:30 or 8 or so, when Bryan gets up to get ready for work. I used to nurse him and put him back in the crib, but honestly I like the cuddle time. Being away from him all day is really hard and having him close to me at night just feels better. He was spoiled when he was younger and we are definitely paying for that now. We just never felt right ‘training’ him. The last year has been mostly us following his lead in the sleep department and while it might not be pediatrician approved, it is what works for us. Oh, and naps are about 50 minutes each, and we are at 1-2 each day.

- His favorite foods right now are guacamole, deli turkey meat, shredded cheese, strawberries, corn, blueberry whole wheat waffles, Joe’s O’s, rice cereal, lentils and fruit squeezers. He nurses in the morning with me, takes two bottles during the day and then nurses to sleep. Sometimes I nurse him after I pick him up from daycare. He makes it very obvious when he wants to nurse and who am I to say no. The pediatrician recommended that we move him to whole milk during the day, while still nursing in the morning/night. His dairy sensitivity seems to be gone, which is good, but he hasn’t really taken to the milk yet. I don’t mind pumping for a little while longer so we will see how the transition goes.

- His words so far consist of uh-oh and baa, which he uses for everything from a ball to the vacuum. No mama yet, although I can get him to sing mamamamama which is getting close!

- He has 7 teeth with the 8th taking for-ev-er to come in. I swear he has been teething with that one tooth for a month.

- Our schedules changed so now Bryan takes Declan to daycare and I pick him up. It became necessary to have two car seats (as opposed to one seat with two bases) so we got the Britax Boulevard for my car. We hoped that the bigger seat would change his hatred for the car seat. Nope. He may in fact hate it more. Fun times.

He is my joy and my love. Yes, it is hard, but it is amazing. My heart is outside of my body, all I want is for him to be safe and happy always. Stories of babies or children who are hurt or killed are almost too much for me to listen to. Birth stories bring me to tears. Becoming a mother has forever changed me. I pray every day that I won’t screw it up.

Happy twelve months, buddy!

He won’t eat avocados, but he will down an entire thing of guacamole. (12 month post coming soon, I promise!)

So, you know you are officially an adult/parent when your response to how was your weekend?! is Great! Saturday we bought a new car seat! What did you do?

In other news, I finally updated my shop! A few weekends ago Bryan sensed that I needed some me time. Time at home alone where I could do some sewing/crafting without feeling guilty for not cleaning or doing housework. If you are a parent you probably understand. Time home alone, and time during naps, its like a race against yourself. How much can I get done in 30 minutes? An hour? Two hours? (Who am I kidding, Declan has never taken a two hour nap in his crib.) For instance, Bryan took Declan with him to Lowe’s and Stater Bro’s yesterday. In that hour I cleaned both toilets, started laundry, picked up the insane amount of toys in the living room, took a shower, did my hair and makeup, got dressed, and  probably another thing or two. I didn’t sit once. I felt pretty accomplished afterwards. Quite possibly a personal best. Okay, that was a total tangent. The purpose of the story: Bryan gave me time to sit. And sew. And enjoy my hobby. It was really nice. So now the shop is updated and I hope to keep it up. Maybe just one or two cards a week (month?), enough to satisfy my sewing cravings.

I am getting started on Declan’s first year photo book before procrastination sets in.