Ok, Values part 4.  How do you and your soon to be spouse match up?!

Rate the following everyday activities regarding people according to the priority you find appropriate. (1 is the highest)

Me 
Spouse
God
Children
Relatives
Friends
Business Associates 

Rate the following everyday activities regarding time according to the priority you find appropriate. (1 is the highest)

Work
Sleep
My Time
Television
Hobbies
Time as a couple
Entertainment/recreation
Group activities/Sports Club
Church
Prayer
Household Chores
Parents

Rate the following everyday activities regarding money according to the priority you find appropriate. (1 is the highest)

Food
Savings
Education
Charity
church
Home
Medical
Entertainment/recreation
Personal
Transportation
Clothing

Good morning!  I want to thank everyone again for delurking regarding the rehearsal dinner!  I need to put our list together and see just what our numbers would be with OOT-ers and without…  Thanks for the help!!!! You guys are the best

We are getting to the last of these questions (If you are a new reader, I am posting some of the questions I found most useful from Bryan and I’s pre-marital counseling weekend.  You can find the rest of the questions by clicking on “engaged encounter” in the categories section)

We all know values and goals are important in our lives, and that having the same values and goals is very important to our relationships.  Sure, Bryan and I may not love the same music, but we both want to be in the same place in 5, 10, 20 years, and that is what is important. I am going to break up the Values questions into 4 posts. This is number one.

Choose 5 areas that you see as a value in your relationship.

Wife or husband works at home
Raising a family
Own a home
Living near family
Being active in Church
Limited number of children
Careers 
Leisure time
Going to Church
Finishing school
Status
Graduate Studies
Money/Things
My independence
Prayer/spirituality
Religious Education

(image source)

Debbie Perez and family were looking to help in a third world country. However a trip to New Orleans came up and they ventured off in February 2007 to build a playground. When she arrived in Louisiana Debbie realized she had found her “third world country” right here in the United States. The Gulf Coast has a long way to go in recovering from the Katrina disaster.

Debbie, her husband Mark and their 4 children.

In February of 2007 my family and 20 others from San Clemente, California went to Louisiana and we built a playground at Andrew Jackson school, (an old high school) which housed 2,200 kids. In July we were able to return with 21 new people to build a second playground at the first elementary school to open, J.F. Gauthier. This past August 35 of us built our third playground at Smith Elementary and we painted a mural at Gauthier. Our lives have been so affected by these trips. There is so much devastation that has left Louisiana so destroyed that it is heart wrenching. When we left Louisiana this August we knew we’d like to help again and it is our hope that we’ll be back to build one more playground at Joseph Davies Elementary.

Debbie and her daughter Delaney, working hard!

Our plan is to raise $70,000 for a fourth playground to be built sometime in 2009. This playground will be built at Joseph Davies Elementary School in St. Bernard Parish, and we’ll hopefully travel during our children’s summer vacation. Currently we are fundraising and we have about $37,000 in the bank. We do have sweatshirts for sale and we’re looking for grants. We are working with a nonprofit 501(c) 3 organization called Kids Around the World. Their goal is to build hope by building playgrounds. All donations are tax deductible and checks can be sent to Kids directly or you can donate online and type for the Kids of Katrina in the box provided. Thank you for your time and I know that together we can bring more hope to Louisiana.

For the kids of Katrina,
The Perez Family (Mark, Debbie, Billy, Mary, Delaney, and Teddy)

You can read more about their story, and on how you can help their cause, here.

As a couple and a family, God is calling us to go out, two by two to serve those in need. Here are today’s questions:

1. What qualities do we, as a couple, have to share with others?

2. Are we on the same page about how we will serve? With money? With our time? Our talents? 

Here are today’s questions:
1. How do I feel about God being a part of our marriage and us being a sign of God’s love?
2. How can we make our marriage sacrament visible to those around us?

Family. You are about to have your very own (me too ). Will your family involve children? Hopefully you have already had that discussion. No? Go now, this can wait….  Ok, now most of us have realized that in some shape or form, we are our parents. I am my mother in more ways than one.  But at the same time I have made conscious decisions to be different in certain areas. 

Here are today’s questions:
1. What traditions and/or values do I like in my family and yours? How can we include these in our growing family?
2. What traditions and/or values from my family and yours do I dislike?
3. How many children would I like to have and when? 
4. Have we decided what form of family planning (pill, natural family planning, condoms, etc) we will use?
5. What are the advantages and disadvantages of one of us being a stay-at-home parent?
6. If we practice different faiths, in what faith will we raise our kids?

One of the things we spoke about on our week was being “life giving”. Sounds kind of cheesy, and I admit sometimes Bryan and I will joke about how life giving we were that day, but really it just means that you serve those around you, especially your soon-to-be-spouse. Some examples of being life giving are being generous, supportive, sensitive and selfless.  It is so important to have a servants heart.  And not servant in like, one person is the servant and the other is in charge. Each person in the relationship should see themselves as a servant to the other. That way things are balanced and each person’s needs are taken care of. 

Today’s questions:
1. Where in our relationship can I be more life giving to you?
2. When was a time that you were life giving to me?

1. How is God calling us to be one?

2. How do I feel when I hear that unity, rather than happiness, is the number one goal of our marriage? What is my understanding of unity in marriage?

3. If we each have a different faith, have I shared my concerns over how we will each worship?

1. What specific changes would I like to see you make once we are married? 

2. What do I expect of myself as your wife/husband? What do I expect of you as my husband/wife? (This one was good for us. I was able to ask Bryan exactly what he expected of me, specifically finances wise.)

3. Are we on the same page when it comes to handling the assets and debts we each bring to the marriage? How will we do this?

4. What is more important to me in a job, the amount of money earned or the level of job satisfaction?